Yes, I certainly do have a Facebook, thanks for wondering. What better way of keeping in contact with people I would otherwise not wish to keep in contact with? What a time to be alive, in an age where I can see that someone I never spoke to at school has responded to a picture of someone else I never spoke to at school vomiting on someone else I never spoke to at school with a heart-felt ‘lol’.
But what is this I see, when logging in – a friend request? News of my blog has no doubt spread, like the sagging gutskin perpetuated by Vanessa Feltz’ fluctuating weight-gain-loss-gain. My readership no doubt has the same sallow, pasty quality that I would expect Feltz’ flab to have, but by no means would it span the same heft. But hark…
…hark indeed, at Abbey Becraft. What business could she possibly have with me, my brain asks, before my loins conjure all manner of possible scenarios, each one progressively more vulgar until it all culminates in an orgiastic frenzy where kitchen utensils are irretrievably soiled in filthy, filthy acts.
What foul temptress would attempt contact with an unknown internet user without good cause? No. I will not submit to her obvious charms. Her upturned dimples would be ideal for the storage of paper clips, her bosom perfect for pens. Her coquettishly raised eyebrows imply an innate bookishness, her hair a hankering for postmodern non-linear cinematic narratives.
Perhaps we could be friends? Perhaps we must be friends? With this, let the Abbey Becraft Experiment begin. I will accept her friend request, and will send her one question a day, as if I’ve known her all my life. The only rule I will allow myself is that I will probably not ask one question a day. But from small, apathetic acorns grow mighty, enriching oaks.
What will I discover from Abbey Becraft? Will I learn about life, about love, about ‘lolz’? Let the great experiment begin~!
EDIT: Ten minutes in and I have already discovered that she has had a piercing in an “interestin place” that she “cannot show”, but if I follow the link to her website, I can see more (as long as I have a valid credit/debit card)!
So what did I learn from the Abbey Becraft Experiment? I learnt that you should judge a book by its cover, and that you should never eat before you swim, but most importantly I learnt to appreciate life, to embrace excitement and friendship and adventure. I never would’ve learnt this had I not met Abbey Becraft. Which I didn’t anyway. But maybe that’s the point?