“Explicitly stating the moral of the story and awkwardly working in the movie title”

March 12, 2010

A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever


Best trailer ever

February 13, 2010

Sorry, I meant worst trailer ever. Bear in mind that this is for a film that actually got made


Film Review: (500) Days… (2)

October 21, 2009

(500) Days

Joseph Gordon-Levitt reprises his role as Tom Hanson in this unrelentingly downbeat follow-up to (500) Days Of Summer.

It follows the same overall plot shifts and story arc as the first one, but offers a far bleaker world view than that of the happy-clappy ‘Summer’ instalment. Leading man Gordon-Levitt effectively conveys his character’s turgid belief that the world is going to end and Christmas is the bomb that will blow us all up. Indeed, the scene on day 281 when he attempts to detonate a child’s nativity play skyward with a fuckload of TNT is harrowing, and may yet trigger Oscar talk.

In keeping with the seasonal shift, the flighty, dreamy Zooey Deschanel is replaced with the altogether curmudgeonlier Sonia From “Natalie Cassidy” Eastenders, who acts as if her life depends on it, but knows that she has a terminal illness anyway. She plays Janet, a brow-beaten cashier at an LA drugstore who meets Tom in an amusing scene concerning the purchase of some St. John’s Wort.

Intriguingly, the soundtrack of the first film, consisting as it does of tracks by misery merchants The Smiths, remains completely unchanged for this sequel.

The film will not be released in cinemas as the target demographic will most likely not feel like going out, and so will be released on DVD instead.


Outlaw: “Fuckin’ intrickit”

October 4, 2009

Outlaw was a 2007 film starring Danny Dyer. As if that first sentence didn’t make it perfectly clear anyway, it was shit. So shit in fact that I never watched it, much less buy it on DVD. Turns out, however, that the DVD commentary is a thing of wonder, as the highlights below will attest to.

Marvel at this tete a tete between Dyer and director Nick Love, and try not to get too confused by picking your favourite part. The arbitrary mention of Mr. Bean (!), the genuine suggestion that there may one day be a retrospective of Dyer’s life (Dyer: “Yeah, yeah.”), the ‘no-stars’ reviews (Dyer: “Fuckin’ broadsheet CUNTS”).


Haiku muvi revu – Capote

July 9, 2009

This is a hard one.

People think the name’s Cah-pote,

but it’s Cah-po-tee.


Haiku Muvi Revu – The Hangover

July 8, 2009

 

Oh no! Where’s our friend!?

Top larks, but still can’t find him.

Oh wait – there he is.


Haiku muvi revu – Manhattan

June 16, 2009

Black and white Jew-fest

Allen’s under-age girlfriend?

Oh dear. How awkward.