I drink mojitos at 11am

August 7, 2009

Tobias Alexander Ratcliffe, better known as Ray Gun of assembly-line pop knobs Raygun, manages in five self-awareness-free minutes what Spinal Tap took a feature film, several spin-off albums, a Simpsons cameo and an ill-conceived Glastonbury appearance to achieve.

First part:

Second part:




Cheer up, Morrissey!

July 29, 2009

*Hairdresser On Fire (His Contemporary Stylings Are Fabulous!)

*November Spawned A Monster Munch Craving

*We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful, Unless They Have That ‘Special Something’ In Which Case Their Glory Is Probably Fully Deserved

*Hold On To Your Friends’ Pig-Tails

*The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get To Understanding Why You Spurn My Advances And Accepting That It’s All For The Best

*Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning, Lifeguard Waking Up, Girl Being Saved

*Satan Rejected My Soul As His Current System For Accepting Souls Is Not Working Right Now, But He’ll Be Back Next Week

*First Of The Gang To Win The Football Pools

*Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want. What’s That You Say, You ‘ve Parked It On The Driveway? Fantastic, Thanks!

*Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me And I Enjoyed It Immensely

*What Difference Does It Make If I Add Oregano To Nan’s Recipe?

*That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, Unless Of Course You Are Playing On The Stereotype That Blonde Women Are Intellectually Inferior In Which Case Now I Get It…Hahaha!

*The Queen Is Dead Sexy

This (Chris Packham is a) Charming Man

July 8, 2009

Television wildlife expert and notable speech impedimentario Chris Packham earns indie kudos by dropping in references to The Smiths on BBC’s Springwatch programme. Some are so badly shoehorned in that they leave blisters (his response to ” “Bill Oddie’s” “text” “), but his ad-libbed use of Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me is fully deserving of the shit-eating grin he just barely conceals. For bonus entertainment, the female co-presenter’s forced laugh on 0:19 is bizarrely compelling.

The shrieking grief of twats

June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson is dead. So, too, is perspective… http://www.mjjcommunity.com/forum/showthread.php?t=65467

Mr. Music fields your queries

April 30, 2009

Item #1: Don’t upset the rhythm.

Solution : A metronome has been installed at, it must be said, staggering expense. It also necessitated the removal of an organ.

Item #2: Oh, Mummy, what’s a Sex Pistol?

Solution: A butter spokespunk.

Item #3: Do you know your enemy? Do you know your enemy?

Solution: Yes, as I acquired it from an enemy shop only yesterday. His name is Jimmy. NB – There was no need to ask twice, I found that unpleasant and antagonistic.

Item #4: You’re zero.

Solution: That’s because I carried the one, it’s all shown in my working.

Ku Klux Kramer

March 15, 2009

What about that Kramer, huh?

Cross-reference with this song by Wale, and that’s a lot of N-Bombs. Three posts in and I’m getting gangsta, wot?!

iPod vanity? Get outta here, ya bum!

March 14, 2009

Here’s a brilliant idea I came up with after stealing it from The A.V. Club. Hit shuffle on your iPod and review the first couple of songs that come up, as David Cross, Ben Gibbard and Isaac Brock have done. As a fan of all three of those human beings, I see absolutely no reason why my songs won’t be just as cool as theirs, unless any of the tracks from McFly’s latest, grown-up album come up by mistake…

We Are Scientists – Let’s See It

Let’s see it, but not listen to it. Their second album was sorely disappointing, since I liked their first one so much. Riding the wave of 80’s revivalism has never sounded so humdrum, and that shall remain the case until Rick Astley should  totter past my window on a Sinclar C5 while bellowing dialogue from Tron through a loudhaler.  A real shame as I loved After Hours, which sounds like a band punching above their weight really. They do a good line in amusing videos though – a dog at a dinner party?! Good lord.

Sufjan Stevens – Chicago

Ah, this redeems a faltering idea. This is lovely twee indie-pop, the sort of thing that should soundtrack videos of babies taking their first chubby-legged steps. Also enjoys the distinction of being the song that got me into him, although as this is still by far the best song of his that I’ve heard, I’m not fully ‘into’ him, so much as I’m furtively dangling my ear-penis over his moist music-quim. A cool christian name too, which no amount of vulgar metaphor can taint.

Foo Fighters – Big Me

Haven’t heard this in years. This is what the shuffle function was made for, reminding yourself of forgotten gems. Before the Foo’s became a workmanlike power-riff conveyor belt, Dave Grohl wrote two-minute toe-tappers like this. Weezer owe a great debt to this song, and not just because they also used Mentos in one of their videos.

James – Sit Down

For years I associated this song with a very early Harry Hill sketch where he sang this whilst chopping various fruits arranged in ascending size order with a meat cleaver. Imagine my disappointment upon discovering that Tim Booth, the lead singer of James, doesn’t even believe in fruit!